


When the night comes

by Iridescent_Slumber



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F, Jemily - Freeform, another instance of me word vomitting, emily is a broken baby bird, tw alcohol, tw gun mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27549451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iridescent_Slumber/pseuds/Iridescent_Slumber
Summary: Emily Prentiss finds comfort in the darkness. Jennifer Jareau is a shining beacon of light. Can their worlds ever really collide?
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 10
Kudos: 46





	1. Into the Darkness

Nightfall is easier. The cloak of darkness wraps around her body, concealing as well as comforting. People are usually afraid of the dark, but not Emily. She embraced the darkness a long time ago, specifically, on a mild Italian evening, just 15 years old, when the light was too much to bare and the hand wrapped around hers as they walked through church was pulling her from the depths of despair. 

No, there’s safety in the shadows, the shadows don’t expose the secrets buried deeply in ones soul. Maybe that’s the reason this job came so easily to her, she didn’t even flinch at the horrors presented to them on a daily basis. Maybe that’s why she took so naturally to profiling; she already chose to dwell among the darkness. 

With the daytime comes the scrutiny, people can gaze and the trauma is harder to hide. That’s why she buries herself in her job, so the stares are averted from her, onto the monsters and the demons that walk this Earth. It’s easy to lose oneself in the false sense of security created by the sun light, that’s why she strives to push it away, waiting until night comes to truly show herself. 

As she sits in her apartment, drinking alone, she has to admit that the days have been easier since joining the BAU, Penelope, Derek, Spencer, JJ, they break up the danger. Learning to trust them has been a difficult road to walk - there’s a sense of dread that swells in the bottom of Emily’s stomach at the thought. 

None of them really knew her, she felt a sense of bereavement at this thought, the little girl inside of her was screaming for her to just give in, be known, be seen, be heard. It had been too long since she’d felt any sense of commitment to another human being.

The second she felt a pang of belonging Emily knew she was in trouble. If she belonged she risked being hurt, all those years of moving pillar to post had given her enough rejection to last a lifetime. The last time she belonged anywhere were the darkest moments of her life, pretending to play house with a mob boss; a killer. But that wasn’t her, that was Lauren, she once again reassured herself, that life had been a constructed reality. It wasn’t real. 

So then why did it hurt so much? If it was all just make believe, why did she risk it all to protect that little boy? Surely the affection she felt for Declan was real? But if so, was there some part of her that actually felt warmth towards Ian? 

The thought sharply slammed her back to reality. Sighing to herself Emily shifted, standing from the single seater she’d been lounging in to pour herself another drink - Gin and Tonic. If her mind was going to do this tonight, she needed the liquid confidence to take the edge off. Watching the clear liquid fill her glass, Emily tried her best to think of something, anything, other than Lauren. 

Picking up the glass with both hands, Emily made her way back to the chair. Resuming her position, she drank deeply, wincing at the way the alcohol strummed harshly at her taste buds. She knew this wasn’t productive, she should have just gone to the bar with everyone else, but when Derek had asked if she was joining, something in her knew what tonight would bring - and it was not going to be the night she unravelled to them. Night time can only bring cover if you let it. 

Alarm bells and the way she saw disappointment flicker across JJ’s face told Emily she was making the right choice. Her thoughts had wandered from her old life, she was pleased to be thinking of something else. Jennifer. Emily mouthed the word, no noise coming out, testing how it tasted on her tongue. Like honey. Sweet, but with the potential to be sickening. 

Emily had been struggling with her feelings for the younger woman for a while now, she blamed herself, it was typical of her to read too much into things. The looks, the comments, the touches, Emily had documented every single one, logged them into some sort of database in her brain to be over analysed when she was alone. It wasn’t the fact that JJ was a woman that was throwing Emily off, she had found out quite quickly into adulthood that she had a preference for women, it was the tugging in her chest and the tightening at the pit of her stomach. 

If Emily didn’t know better she would have thought she was in love. A preposterous idea. To be in love was not part of her plan. If she was in love, she left herself exposed to all kinds of pain, she left herself open, vulnerable to attack. All of this seemed perfectly logical to the brunette, who had almost drained the last of her drink, staring into the glass, watching the ice clink against the side. 

Sighing again, Emily swallowed the last of the liquid, waiting for the coolness of the sharp alcohol to hit her stomach. As her head span slightly from intoxication, the darkness settled in, it’s where she belonged, and Jennifer Jareau was not darkness. JJ was light, bright, stunning, she was everything that Emily longed to be when she was young. 

The blonde was graceful, strong but subtle, she illuminated any room she walked into, and Emily was very aware that this caused her to retreat. Jennifer Jareau could single handedly unravel all of the hard work Emily had put in to remaining unseen, in the shadows. 

The cover of darkness could only do so much when the younger woman was around, the brightness she emits had the potential to eradicate even the most stubborn of shadows that Emily longed to remain hidden in. 

A rap echoed from within the apartment causing Emily to jump at the sudden sound. Immediately on high alert, she stood, quickly reaching for her weapon she kept in the drawer of the living room. How sad that she felt so wary in her own home - the thought was passing - but a split second, before she made her way to the front door. Another knock, louder this time, but Emily had braced herself for it, the sound didn’t pierce the silence like it had the first time. Creeping quietly to the door, Emily looked through the peep hole. 

Exhaling a breath she didn’t realise she was holding, Emily relaxed, lowered her gun and placing it on the chest next to her keys. Blonde hair and blue eyes greeted her on the other side of the door. Why JJ had decided to show up at such an hour puzzled her briefly, had something happened? She was sure she’d had her phone on loud. The third knock caught her off guard, startling her but grounding her back in the moment. 

Swinging the door open, Emily couldn’t hide the obvious confusion knitted in her eyebrows. JJ saw it immediately, and chuckled slightly at the brunette before her. Engaged in an accidental stand off, the two women just stood there, blinking at each other for a good few seconds before JJ finally spoke. 

“Hey, you gonna let me in or?”

Realising she was still blocking the doorway with her body, Emily’s mind raced through a hundred different scenarios in a fraction of a second, stepping back and allowing JJ in. 

“Gosh, of course, sorry - I, I hadn’t been expecting anyone this late.” Emily offered, closing the door behind the blonde.

Finally settling on an emotion, Emily was not thrilled to realise it was panic. JJ’s presence was already filling her apartment with a soft but bright hue, this was not part of the plan, this was not part of the plan; she repeated the thought as if it were a mantra. 

“So what can I do for you?” The brunette finally managed, stepping further into the apartment, cautious not to get too close to the blonde and her ethereal glow, who was stood in the middle of the room. 

“Can’t a gal just stop by to say hi?” JJ laughed, still finding Emily’s rigidity amusing. “Actually... there was something I wanted to talk about.”

JJ had obviously also had a drink, she wasn’t drunk - Emily could see that in her piercing blue eyes - but she was loose, looser than usual. Emily checked herself quickly, noticing her hard stance, and dropped her shoulders that she hadn’t realised she was tensing. Taking in JJ’s words, Emily realised it was normal for friends to visit each other out of the blue, it saddened her briefly to think she had never had anyone to stop by unannounced before joining the BAU. 

“Of course, you’re always welcome here, can I get you a drink?” Emily asked, ignoring the way JJ’s eyebrows had lifted at her casual comment. Friendship was as foreign to Emily as Russian was to the average Americans.

“If you’re offering - I’ll just have whatever you’re having,” JJ answered, attempting to hide her nerves by deflecting attention away from herself and pointing to Emily’s discarded Gin glass on the coffee table. 

“Oh, I was, uh, just having a nice G&T, takes the edge off after a long day I find, makes for a good night cap really, although it’s bitter as hell, they didn’t have any pomegranate tonic at the store,” Emily cursed at herself for being so awkward, why did she say so many words? No one asked, she was better at communicating than this. Making her way to the kitchen counter to pour JJ a glass, she blamed the mild intoxication. 

JJ followed Emily into the kitchen, bringing the discarded glass with her. 

“You might need this if you’re going to have one too,” JJ said, placing the glass down next to Emily. 

Looking up to meet JJ’s stare, Emily dropped the cap of the gin bottle onto the floor, the brightness JJ exuded was getting dangerously close to the shadow Emily was trying to lurk in. 

Bending to reach for the cap, Emily took a deep breath to compose herself, and thankfully, by the time she returned to pouring the drinks, JJ had wandered back into the living room. 

“Pull it together Prentiss, this was not part of the plan” she muttered to herself, she grabbed the glasses and made her a way back into the other room silently praying the cover of night would disguise the way her heart was racing and her hands were shaking. 

Unbeknownst to Emily, JJ was having her own internal conflict. It had been a long time coming, but sat in that bar, watching her closest friends flirt, dance, and laugh with other people, JJ couldn’t shake the picture of a certain brunette from her mind. Clouding the edges of the image, JJ always saw a shadow creeping around the outline of Emily. Whatever was hiding there, JJ decided she was going to find out. After all, isn’t that what friends are supposed to do? Shine a light on the darkness and hold your hand? 

Shaking her head, JJ knew she was kidding herself. Emily Prentiss was more than a friend to her, she just hadn’t worked out how to express this in a way that wouldn’t ruin everything if it all fell apart. Instead of shining a light on Emily, maybe it was time to find her in the darkness. 


	2. Into the light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ shares a piece of her own darkness with Emily.

“Pull it together Prentiss, this was not part of the plan” she muttered to herself, she grabbed the glasses and made her a way back into the other room. 

Once they were settled, sitting on opposite sides of the room, a conscious choice that Emily had made, the women sat in a comfortable yet obviously loaded silence, drinking their drinks. 

“How was the bar?” Emily asked, trying to figure out whether or not JJ wanted to talk, they could just sit in silence, she wouldn’t mind that at all. 

“Yeah, it was alright, I beat a couple guys at darts, watched Morgan get 3 numbers, and left after Penelope found a dancing partner. I missed you there,” it was an innocent enough statement. Emily had missed them all too, it was the way JJ had kicked her shoes off and tucked her legs up under herself to get more comfortable that was taking Emily’s attention. 

It scared her, how easy it was to lose herself in JJ, everything seemed so natural when she was around, familiar, like home. But then again, what would Emily Prentiss know about home? She’d never had a real one. The closest frame of reference she had was fake. Was him. The thought was enough for her to shut the blinds again, no light could enter or he would be seen too. 

Emily cleared her throat before she spoke again, worried she would reveal too much if she didn’t think carefully before words came out, desperate to stop her thoughts from eating her whole. 

“Sounds like a good night.” 

The small talk seemed to appease JJ. Humming in confirmation, she looked around the room for the first time since she’d entered the apartment, really looked, and noticed that there was no music on, no television on, the room was really dimly lit. She couldn’t stop the confusion spreading across her face quickly enough for Emily to not notice it. 

“Were you just sat here in silence?” JJ sounded more perplexed than she had intended and regretted asking the question. 

The brunette recoiled slightly, a conversation about what she had been doing before JJ had shown up was not high on her list of things she wanted to do right now. 

Emily laughed nervously, fidgeting in her seat. 

“I was just about to find something to read before you got here, I promise I’m not some weirdo who just sits in their apartment in the dark on their own drinking at night,” she knew she was lying through her teeth, and that over explaining did nothing but throw suspicion on the situation, but JJ didn’t seem to notice. Or if she did, she was too polite to challenge the older woman. 

They returned to a comfortable silence for a few minutes after that, basking in the dim orange glow of the singular lampshade in the corner of the room. 

Clinging to the safety that the dull room offered, Emily found herself once again drifting into thoughts of Jennifer, ones that usually made her blush. Thankfully her cheeks were already flushed from the alcohol she’d consumed. If they weren’t she’d risk giving a little piece of herself away. Illicit thoughts of smooth skin and hot breath, of todays and tomorrows and forevers were only made more tangible by the brightness glowing around the blonde sat opposite her. 

Her brain was getting ahead of itself, it was running away from her, being tempted by the warmth of Jennifer’s presence. Emily was beginning to spiral, starting to lose her footing in the dark. She knew that she was in dangerous territory, she risked exposure. 

All the while JJ knew Emily was still unsure as to why she had come. If she were to be totally honest, she wasn’t sure she had known why either.

JJ had been silently observing the brunette for a few minutes, seeing the shadows that framed her body dance, almost taunting the blonde. Despite her fear of the dark, JJ felt no fear while watching Emily. It was surprising, ordinarily she would run from the dark. The darkness encapsulated memories JJ had spent years storing away, of bathtubs filled with tears and regret, of futures stolen and childhoods ended. 

But with Emily; the darkness doesn’t seem so dark. 

After years of avoiding the night at all costs, JJ felt herself drawn in, why else would she have shown up unannounced with no motive other than to be close to Emily? Reaching for her metaphorical flashlight, JJ had made her decision, time to reach out and see what mysteries lay within the shadows around Emily’s soul. 

“Have I ever told you about my sister?” JJ asked, staring Emily down with determination, afraid that she’d retreat if she didn’t clutch to the reality of Emily’s honey brown eyes. 

Waiting for a reply, JJ untucked her legs, reached forwards to place her now empty glass down, and returned her hands to her lap.

“No, I didn’t want to pry,” Emily replied, unable to ignore the sadness swimming in her friend’s gaze. 

“It’s a long story, she was unhappy, no one could pull her out from the darkness that had consumed the vibrant girl she once was. I was only young, of course, I didn’t really understand mental illness back then, it was just a monster that came in the middle of the night and stole her from me,” JJ had lowered her gaze, now choosing to stare at her knuckles, which were beginning to turn white from the way her hands were wringing each other. 

Emily considered her carefully, watching the conflict play across her features but not wanting to interrupt. She felt the weight of the younger woman’s words stab at her own chest and she wanted nothing more than to go back in time to try and pull both little girls out from the grip of blackness that had overwhelmed them. 

The knowledge that JJ had too flirted with darkness also saddened the older women. Her own demons were lurking so close to the surface, always ready to latch on and throw her into the abyss, it hadn’t really occurred to her that such iridescence as JJ would know how it felt. 

JJ continued her monologue, still staring into her own lap, hoping that by sharing this part of her life, Emily would begin to understand what she was really trying to say. 

“That’s the thing about losing someone you love so young, they take a piece of you with them. You’re forever changed by their presence in your world, one moment they’re shaping the way you think, the next they’re suddenly gone, before you’ve been built into the person you’re supposed to be. Nothing can replace them and no one can finish the work they started. There was so much I didn’t know back then, my mom tried, she really did, but she had her own darkness to fight off.” 

JJ finally lifted her eyes, wondering when the room had gotten so small, and why the air was suddenly so thick. Emily felt so close and yet still so much separated them. 

When Emily finally had the chance to once again look at JJ, she was overwhelmed by a tugging in her chest. A sad smile appeared on the blonde’s face. 

“I don’t really know where that came from, sorry,” JJ said, seeing the hurt written in Emily’s face, almost a reflection of her own. 

“No, don’t apologise, I’m grateful that you feel safe enough to share this with me,” Emily replied, moving her glass to the coffee table so that she could smooth the fabric of her trousers with her hands. 

“I suppose what I’m really trying to say is that it takes one to know one, and I can see you’ve been visited by the same darkness as me, I just need you to know that we care. That I care. Don’t ever think you have to be in that dark place alone,” JJ finished, as she unclasp her hands and felt the tension in her muscles begin to relax. 

Emily was beginning to panic internally, but was determined to not let it show. There is far too much baggage in her past, like an old attic packed with years of trauma, while she lives in the house underneath, wondering when the ceiling would cave in from the weight of it all. 

“I appreciate that Jayje, I really do, I’m so sorry you had to deal with all of that so young, it’s a lot for anyone, let alone a child,” her face softened as she imagined a little blonde girl with pig tails running around laughing one day and curled up in a ball crying the next. 

Something about the way JJ was able to shelf her own trauma to offer a hand to Emily was so profound to her. How can one person carry so much weight and still offer to carry more without crumbling? 

Jennifer Jareau was the strongest person Emily had ever met, and she deserved the best. And while she may not know everything like Spencer, Emily knew she was far from the best. She was compromised, she was broken, she was damaged beyond repair, but most of all, she was aching. 

Emily ached from carrying her secrets, her muscles sore from withholding a sky full of night time. Her heart ached to reach out into the brightness of JJ’s soul, to allow the warmth to consume her instead of wandering eternally in a sunless cold. 

A sudden jolt of electricity caused Emily to be resuscitated from her thoughts. Coming back to the present, she identified the source, JJ had walked over to her and was squatting in front of her, with her hand resting gently over Emily’s own. 

“Hey, look at me, you went somewhere and left me behind,” JJ spoke softly, unsure as to when she’d become so bold but not questioning it. 

As she was brought back to the room, Emily lifted her eyes from where JJ’s hand was covering over own up to the other woman’s face, seeing the way the blonde’s eyes flickered slightly, unable to decide where to look. 

Emily’s other hand began to move without her consent, and before she could protest, it was cupping JJ’s cheek, stroking the soft skin there with its thumb. The warmth it found was so inviting and the fact that JJ hadn’t retreated at her touch caused her stomach to flip. 

JJ’s eyelids softly shut at the contact as she inhaled, leaning in to the older woman’s touch. This time JJ felt the electricity between them too. 

For when the light met the darkness a thousand fires burned. But when the darkness met the light, earthquakes erupted and tsunamis raged, the whole world stood still before spinning off its axis. The energy shared between them challenged a hundred supernovas and threatened to cause mass extinction. It could wreak havoc on ecosystems and tear apart the very fabric of time itself. However, in that moment, as they sat connected in mind and body, something else peaked through. 

All these years of lurking in the supposed safety of shadows, Emily had forgotten, without light nothing grows. After all, it wasn’t until the Big Bang that life itself began. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I can squeeze one more chapter out of this... We'll see aha.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)  
> I'm not sure if this is going to have another part, so let me know if you're interested in me writing more... I have some stuff planned but I don't know if I'm committed lol.


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